Many of my counselling clients find the idea of forming an image of their future self useful. Imagining how you hope to be in a few years time, and making the little steps to get there. This can be so helpful in nurturing self compassion and changing unhelpful behaviour patterns, relationship patterns and destructive behaviours that you may currently be ignoring. Your future self is already dormant in you now and you build him/her each day, without even knowing it.
If we look back five years from now, what change that you didn’t make that you now wish you had? Leaving a bad relationship or job sooner? What would ten minutes of yoga a day have done for you, or a 20 minute run? Imagine if you’d started writing that book five years ago when you first thought of it, or saved £10 a week.
Conversely, what are you thankful for now that you did start back then? Making those savings, limiting cake-eating to the weekends, giving up smoking, quitting your dead end job.
Hold in mind your future self for a moment.
What does she need from you now? What can you give to her? What do you need around you to do this if it isn’t in place already?
Imagine how you want to be then, your self, your life, and then take those tiny but frequent steps towards it, whether it’s weeks away (to loose pounds to fit into your favourite dress again) months (to start the class/writing/reading you always wanted to) or years (to save for a home, nurture your relationships, your career).
Whatever is happening around you, or in your mind you always have the wonderful resource of the sensation of the ground beneath your feet. This is useful for managing Anxiety in particular. Stay connected to the earth of which you are part by moving your attention to this experience, cutting through the stories in your mind, anxiety and overwhelm - to bring you back down to earth.
The New Economics Foundation in the UK summarises five ways to wellbeing, it's often not as difficult as it sounds to feel well. A review of the most up-to-date evidence suggests that building the following five actions into our day-to-day lives is important for well-being:
With the people around you. With family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. At home, work, school or in your local community. Think of these as the cornerstones of your life and invest time in developing them. Building these connections will support and enrich you every day.
Go for a walk or run. Step outside. Cycle. Play a game. Garden. Dance. Exercising makes you feel good. Most importantly, discover a physical activity you enjoy and that suits your level of mobility and fitness.
Be curious. Catch sight of the beautiful. Remark on the unusual. Notice the changing seasons. Savour the moment, whether you are walking to work, eating lunch or talking to friends. Be aware of the world around you and what you are feeling. Reflecting on your experiences will help you appreciate what matters to you.
Try something new. Rediscover an old interest. Sign up for that course. Take on a different responsibility at work. Fix a bike. Learn to play an instrument or how to cook your favourite food. Set a challenge you will enjoy achieving. Learning new things will make you more confident as well as being fun.
Do something nice for a friend, or a stranger. Thank someone. Smile. Volunteer your time. Join a community group. Look out, as well as in. Seeing yourself, and your happiness, linked to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding and creates connections with the people around you.
I hope you enjoy experimenting with these!
This is a concept that is deeply simple but can have profound implications. I learned this from a Buddhist teacher who recommended that before meditating (or anything) set an intention - what is the purpose of it, i.e. to gain awareness, calm, balance, to inquire. Unless we have an intention for something we can get lost without direction. This is relevant for every single moment of our lives. If you go on a journey you usually know the destination though how you get there could vary.
Our intention can be extended from a moment, to a day (each morning I decide what I'll be working on, if I'll fit in yoga or a walk, etc, or if not well simply to rest). We can check in with ourselves to ensure we are maintaining what we intended, and if not perhaps review if circumstances have significantly changed. This awareness prevents us getting pulled in other directions - demands from others, emails etc.
We can now also extend this to setting an intention for your lifetime - what is it the intention for your life? To have a family, a career, to be kind, gain knowledge, to make music. If we don't have a direction or a destination how will we know which way to go. Setting intention for life can really make a clearer path, and easier to identify obstacles and notice when we head off in a different tangent.
All three of these are a useful way of prioritising what matters to you and your precious gift of life - what is your intention in this moment, for this day and for this life time?
Many people believe self-care or putting yourself first is selfish - the truth is far from it. It's so important that we are well cared for and who better to do it then ourselves. We can't help others or contribute well unless our own lives and wellbeing is prioritised. If not we burn out, get too tired, have low energy, are badly nourished, hungover, unkind to ourselves or simply put ourselves to the bottom of the pile where is hard to achieve even the smallest thing.
Self care brings energy, compassion, vibrancy, a sense of worth and encourages our purpose and meaning. We will be healthier happier, stronger, more creative better able to cope with challenges, stimulated - need I go on?
Profound change can come with a simple change in attitude towards ourselves, and some action too. So make a list of 10 things that you can do that make yourself feel good that don't cost anything but you know they make you feel relaxed, calm, happy and worth it. If you treat yourself well, you role model to others how they might treat you, themselves and others. You can see my list - what's on yours? Take a pen and paper and write it down, make sure you stick it up where you will see it and do at least two every day (getting up to doing all ten ideally!). It's your human right to be kind to yourself, so you can take a firm place in this world - the rest will follow.
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The idea of an inner guide might seem a bit strange to some of us but whatever circumstances you're in or however you're feeling we all have a part of ourselves that knows what to do - what is difficult is how to access it so take a moment to have a go. Perhaps start with a small dilemma for practice, though begin by imagining this wisest part of yourself being you, imagine all the qualities of this aspect of yourself that allow this person to be in a position to guide. Give them space and energy in your nod. Bear in mind that sometimes what to do is simply just to be or to watch and to wait, and sometimes it's to take action.
In this exercise and any point in the day you can ask your inner guide what they might do when you're feeling unsure. By doing this you're at consulting your best self. Mother Teresa said she looked for the 'Christ' in everyone. We have to look at the best of ourselves and others for it to strengthen and grow, and reduce old habits of thought and being.
By personifying it, it is part of yourself instead of projecting out wisdom onto a guru or religious leader. You own it as part of yourself.
If this is difficult, you can project! Think of somebody really admire, either in you're life or in the world.
Notice what qualities they have and note down a few before continuing. Embody this person, imagining you are them. You have all these qualities yourself otherwise you wouldn't be able to see them in the other person - you just need to strengthen them by giving them your attention and you're energy.
stay at with the experience of being your inner guide, or the person you admire, for a few minutes. Leave a comment to let me know what happens!
A counsellor (Prof. Dip) and psychotherapist (MSc) sharing inspiration and tips for better wellbeing. My knowledge is freely given, please feel free to share after asking! Let's help each other lead satisfying meaningful lives.